bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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