why didn't you poke me back
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
