You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize