Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
