I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
