so explain again why im purple
no
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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