Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to have your abortion
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
