I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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