he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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