you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
