We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
