I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
