Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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