arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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