I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
