So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
