Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
