If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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