I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
