The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
