Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
