You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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