wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
