oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize