dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
