You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
