I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize