maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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