is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
