If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
