You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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