dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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