I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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