i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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