drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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