He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Shame is for Republicans.
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