it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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