We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
