he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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