She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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