sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
