I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
