I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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