I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
