We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
