Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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