he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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