based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
