you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
