I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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