I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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