if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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