If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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