we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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