When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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