I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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