DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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