A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
