A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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