I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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