So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
