Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
