so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize