none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
