I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
