Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize