East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
