Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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