Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
