That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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