dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
