I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
