she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
