I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we're so committed to being not committed
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