I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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