someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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