just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
