i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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