Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
