I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
