I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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